Tragedy Barely Avoided at Georgia Aquarium

Originally Posted on March 6, 2009 on foxsports.com.

ATLANTA, GA.  Quick thinking by Darrell Waltrip and Larry McReynolds saved the life of one of Fox Sports' broadcast team.

Last night, the Fox Sports broadcasting team visited the Georgia Aquarium to gather footage for the broadcast on Sunday.  During the visit, Digger, Darrell Waltrip, Jeff Hammond, Steve Byrnes, Matt Yocum, Chris Myers and Larry McReynolds all stopped atop the Hammerhead shark tank to watch the after-hours feeding.    Something horribly went wrong as Digger was tossed into the tank as the shark feeding frenzy began.

"I don't know what happened," said Byrnes.  "He was standing beside me, and suddenly launched into the tank.  I don't know if he jumped or was pushed."

"All I heard was Yocum yelling about how he couldnt' ruin his hair getting into the water, while Hammond was complaining about his tan running," remarked Myers.  "I was worried my expensive Italian loafers would get wet, so I couldn't jump in.  No, I'm not kidding and I don't care."

"It was then that Darrell just jumped right in there.  I think he said 'bogity, bogity, bogity, get outta my way, boys!' as he dived in," explained Yocum.  "Larry tossed a wrench at one of the sharks who didn't acknowledge Darrell.  It bounced off his snout.  But overall, I've never seen such professional courtesy.  The sharks knew him and let him take Digger out.  I guess that 'Jaws' nickname was legit!"

Digger is expected to fully recover, although he has put off several appearances in the Atlanta area today and tomorrow.   One source close to Digger said that Digger wasn't sure what happened, but he swore he was pushed and didn't slip into the tank.

Officials have begun an investigation into who may have pushed Digger in.  "Digger isn't as well loved as Fox would lead us to believe.  There have been credible threats by several people.  Namely FoxSports bloggers and Nascar fans," added Detective P. Columbo.  Columbo noted that several blogs, email accounts and twitter accounts had subpoenas issued for them today.

"And we haven't ruled out the crew either.  Byrnes had been heard complaining that Digger got more air time than he did just last week.  Yocum grumbled to friends that he thought Digger was stealing the cute fans away from his fan club.  Don't forget Miles Monster, of Dover, Delaware.  He issued a challenge last week that Digger had not better show his face in Dover or there would be serious consequences." 

The Nascar on Fox representative brushed aside all concerns, and commented that, "We are confident that this was an accident.  Fortunately no one was hurt."

Uniform Sparks Sponsorship Furor

CHARLOTTE, N.C. -  DeLana Harvick ignited a sponsorship war by doing what she does every Nascar Sprint Cup Race: wear a replica of her husband's firesuit.

"We saw DeLana wearing the firesuit, and it started a conversation that ultimately led to Chandra's new contract with Cover Girl," said Cherie Silver, Cover Girl's public relations vice president during the contract's unveiling.  "We wanted our logo out there in the photographs of pit lane and in victory lane.  Chandi will be wearing a T-Shirt emblazened with the Cover Girl logo at every race."  According to Hendrick Motorsports officials, Chandra will be featured in magazine ads, TV ads during the race, and at special events around the track.

"Jimmie and Chandi are excited to be involved with Cover Girl, and believe that Nascar's increasing female fan base will really support Cover Girl's entry into the sport," said Silver.  Silver noted that Johnson's car would only have a Cover Girl logo at three select races during the year.  "In general, it is all about Chandi, not the car."

Not to be outdone, Jeff Gordon''s  wife, Ingrid van de Bosch, was rumored the "Victoria's Secret Nascar Spokes Model."  

"Ingrid will be wearing the newest bras and underwear at the track.  Victoria's Secret will have a merchandise trailer for all those Nascar fans.  We think that this will be a way men who attend the races can find something for their wives and girlfriends at the track that they wouldn't see otherwise," remarked an anonymous HMS insider.

The insider could not explain how Ingrid could model the fashions without violating Nascar's garage clothing policy, which require pants,  sleeves, and toed shoes.  "I've heard rumors about sheer long sleeved T-shirts, that's all I can say," said the insider.

"I can't wait to see Ingrid," exclaimed Dale Earnhardt Jr, who declined to confirm the Victoria's Secret contract. "And Chandi too.  I think it will be a great combination."

Roush-Fenway Racing scrambled to catch up on the wives' sponsorship bandwagon, with rumors of a Katie Kenseth maternity line floating through the garage.  "We can't confirm the pregnancy, let alone the sponsorship," said Jack Roush.  "Obviously, we'd be delighted if Graco or Gerber wanted to join Roush Fenway Racing."

Greg Biffle noted that his wife, Nicole, would be sticking to her non-profit roots.  "Nicole is passionate about animal shelters and we will continue to focus on that, not money making oppportunities."

When asked if the WAG (Wives and Girlfriends) sponsorships meant that potential dates needed to bring a list of sponsorships to the table, Tony Stewart rolled his eyes and stormed off.  Dale Jr was more outspoken. "I think I have enough sponsorships right now.  It's not anything I'd worry about.  Although it would be nice," he added.

Two WAG sponsorships are still on the table:  Kotex and Always.  "So far, no one wants our sponsorship dollars.  It's silly - all women need feminine hygiene products.  We'd love to be involved in Nascar." said a Kotex representative. 

"None of the wives or girlfriends we approached were interested, but we're hopeful that someone will want to support our product." said an Always marketing representative, speaking anonymously.  "It's not like we want our logo on the car or anything."

Meanwhile, DeLana Harvick is baffled about the sponsorship furor her firesuit has set off. "I just wear it because I'm a teammember, and I was tired of ruining my clothes every week.  It wasn't for advertising." 

That said, Harvick noted that next weekend she might break down and advertise: for her favorite college basketball team, the North Carolina Tarheels.

 

Department of Justice Warns Kyle Busch about Terrorism

Originally Posted on April 8, 2009 on foxsports.com.

(WASHINGTON DC) - Department of Justice officials confirmed that they had spoken to Kyle Busch and his team about terrorism concerns.
"Every time Kyle wins, the terrorism networks go wild.  They love him." said a person close to the situation.  
The official denied that Justice had ordered Busch to quit winning.  "Absolutely not.  We wouldn't suggest  that.  Well, unless national security were at stake.  There would be other alternatives we would explore."
"The Department of Justice is concerned because Kyle is becoming a hero to terrorists.  The Taliban and the Al-Queda see him as the antithesis of American heros like Dale Jr," explained JD Gibbs, who attended the meeting.  
When asked if the terrorists posed a threat to Busch's safety, the official explained, "The bigger danger is to those drivers who have scuffles with him on track.  The chatter about Dale Jr was sky high after the Texas race, and they view Carl Edwards as a potential usurper of Kyle's too.  There have been a couple near-riots in prisons were these guys are held when Busch crashes out of the race, but nothing too serious.  Yet." 
"I don't think Kyle will tone down anything," asserted Gibbs.  "These are bad guys, but deep down, they're just regular Nascar fans.  Look, Justice also said that the terrorist networks spiked when Jeff Gordon's wife's new hairdo was shown too.  Apparently they liked it long.   It really doesn't mean anything."
"We'll keep tabs on things.  We just thought it was important for Busch to realize what was going on when he did well.  It could be detrimental to national security if he's not careful with what he says and does."  said the official.  

Third Busch Brother "Discovered"

Originally Posted on April 20, 2009 on foxsports.com.

(CHARLOTTE, NC)  Jamie McMurray surprised Nascar insiders today by going  to extreme measures to stay at Roush Fenway Racing.  McMurray announced that he had been adopted by Tom and Gaye Busch and was now to be known as Jamie McMurray-Busch, the third Busch brother.
"I've always wanted two brothers, and you really couldn't pick any better ones than Kurt and Kyle," said McMurray at his press conference.  "Nascar is a family sport.  I'm just expanding the family a little."

"I'm thrilled to have three such accomplished sons," said Gaye Busch.  "Jamie has been like one of the family for a long time now.  Why, he even gave me my Mother's Day gift early - a new Roush Mustang.  Kurt never got me one when he was at Roush!"

"Are you F@$#&n' kidding me?" remarked Kurt Busch when he was told the news.  "One little brother is f*$#@$n' enough!"

"Well, if Kurt is Buschie, and I'm Shrub, does that mean that Jamie is Bonsai?" Kyle smirked.  "Or will he keep "cupcake"?"

"I guess desperate times call for desperate measures," remarked a Roush Fenway employee, who refused to be named.   "Jamie's souvenir sales are down.  He hopes to spark either a Busch backlash or to hop on the Kyle Fan-Bandwagon.  Kyle's numbers have been going up every week, especially when he and Dale Jr. tussle."

"He's really worried that Jack will cut him," said a Kenseth crew member.  "He's the odd man out.  Matt's the Champ.  Biffle's gotten two championships for Jack; Carl's a sponsorship dream and contender.  That leaves David or Jamie. David's been running better for the past year."

McMurray, though, denied he was motivated by the upcoming Roush Fenway team cut.  "I'm not worried about Jack cutting me.  I'm a valuable part of the team.  And now, I'm part of the Busch dynasty.  I got this job because of Kurt's abrupt departure from Roush.  Kyle started in Nascar driving for Jack's truck team.  Jack loves having a Busch on the payroll."

When reached for comment, Jack Roush was blunt, as usual.  "Did the adoption give him an attitude too?" snarked Roush.  "If it did, he'll be driving for Yates by the end of the week."

Ferrari Leaves Formula One to Race in Nascar

Originally Posted on May 15, 2009 on foxsports.com

(CHARLOTTE, NC)  Ferrari stunned the racing world today by carrying out its threat to leave Formula One over the "Budget Cap Flap."  Luca di Montezemolo, Ferrari President, announced that the legendary organization would start competing in Nascar races beginning with the next Daytona race slated for July.  

"We are tired of Max Mosley and Bernie Ecclestone's excessive meddling in Formula One racing.  We want to spend our money, be successful, and target the American audience," remarked di Montezemolo.  "All Ecclestone is trying to do is recover the money he lost in his divorce when his wife took him to the cleaners.  And Mosley needs more cash to pay for his hired girls."


Brian France gushed "We are so excited for Ferrari to join Nascar racing.  I'm positive our fans will embrace Felipe Massa and Kimi Raikkonen just like they have Max Papis and Juan Pablo Montoya.  Especially once they learn to pronounce their names.  And learn Kimi is a guy's name.  Oh, and learn to speak Italian since they will still be talking to their teams in Italian on the radio."

Di Montezemolo announced that as part of the deal, Kasey Kahne's car would be painted a different color.  "Ferraris can be the only red car on the track, as is our tradition."

Richard Petty, present for RPM,  commented, "We agreed.   Who could turn down the $30 million they offered? Kasey will be driving a Petty Blue car with the Bud logo."

The Ferrari team appeared shocked at how cheap it was to race in the Nascar league. "I can't believe that our budget can be less than the Formula One Budget cap and we can still be competitive," said di Montezemolo.  "We figure over half of our engineering group can be let go with no loss in competitiveness.  But of course we won't do that until we're winning at least 75% of the races.  Which should be by March 2010."

Other Formula One teams were shocked at the change of events.  "What do you mean Ferrari won't compete," said Lewis Hamilton.  "This won't be a World Championship if they aren't involved.  Any chance Braun will go too?"

Nascar teams were stunned at the addition of Ferrari to the field.  "How is that going to work?" said Kyle Busch.  

"Won't they have to qualify for all the races?" remarked Tony Stewart.

Ferrari had anticipated the qualifications problem, and as part of the deal to join Nascar, requested an exemption from qualifying.  France explained, "Ferrari will be given an automatic  starting position in all races until the start of next year.  In essence we will have 37 cars set in the field each week - the Top 35 plus 2 Ferrari cars."

Neither Massa or Raikkonen appeared at the news conference, but di Montezemolo stated that at both were excited at the prospect of touring the Nascar locales such as Talladega, Dover, Fontana and Las Vegas.  "Monte Carlo, Barcelona and Bahrain get boring when you go every year.  This will add excitement to the rigors of traveling." 

Indy: Tire Testing or Racing?

Last year I attended the Sprint Cup race at Indy, or rather, I attended the extended tire test.  While I still had a good time, I am hopeful that this year will feature extended stretches of racing with actual green flag pit stops.

Goodyear and IMS are promoting a "race" this year with Jeff Gordon, Tony Stewart and Ryan Newman all touting a good race. 

Hopefully Goodyear has the right tires ready to go.  If not, what will Nascar do?  Should IMS lose its spot on the Cup calendar? Should Goodyear lose its status as sole tire supplier?

On the other hand, if Goodyear works out, should it be rewarded with a contract extension?  A lot hinges upon the outcome of the race on Sunday.

Dirt Track Racing

I'll be honest - I've never been a big fan of summer.  I much prefer fall or spring.  Summer in Iowa is a sticky, hot mess.  If you aren't dodging hail & a tornado, it's probably hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk.

However, summer does mean one thing in Iowa:  Dirt Track Racing.  So every weekend has nearly unlimited options for dirt track lovers.  Two of my favorites are quickly approaching: the Knoxville Nationals (in August) and the Boone Supernationals (in September).

The Knoxville Nationals are in their 49th year of racing sprint cars.  While the cars have evolved from their original non-wing form to the current winged configuration, the racing remains exciting.  The Nationals are a four day sprint car extravaganza with a nice side show of sweet corn on the cob, turkey legs, and homemade pie.  

The Boone Supernationals are a completely different animal.  Hundreds of cars arrive to race their way into the Saturday night show, and spend all week trying to do it.  The Supernationals are sanctioned by IMCA, so there are Late Models, Modifieds, Sport Modifieds (both Southern & Northern), Sprint Cars, Hobby Stock cars, and Stock Cars.  Typically, by the start of the Modified qualifiers on Wednesday, the races start at 3 p.m. and end at 3 a.m. (give or take an hour or more).  Naturally, a good seat cushion is a must!

So, while there is still time this summer, get out to the dirt track and take in a show.  If your local track isn't exciting enough, plan to go to a big event.  And if you need any ideas, I'm sure I can come up with a few!

The Mayfield mess: Or why Nascar needs to revise its policy

Jeremy Mayfield took Nascar to court and achieved the nearly impossible: he got a federal judge to lift Nascar's ban so he could drive. 

Nearly impossible because Nascar generally wins court actions, and it would appear that a racing organization would have a great argument on safety when someone has failed a drug test.

Why did Mayfield win?  I have a few theories. 

First, Nascar's substance abuse policy fails to put drivers on notice about what substances are forbidden.  There is no list.  Rather, there is no public list.  There actually has to be a list as the lab must know what to look for.  

Why is this  a problem?  During a typical Nascar three series weekend nearly 100 drivers, plus crew members could potentially be selected for testing.  The odds are that someone is on a prescription drug for allergies, medical problems, even pain.  The lab, therefore, must know what substances are OK.  The list is not provided to competitors, and this is a fatal flaw.  How can a competitor advise their doctor about what drugs are not permissible if the competitor does not know? 

Secondly, according to Mayfield, Nascar does not follow established protocol in taking the urine tests.  This means there is no notice and no set procedure on collecting the test samples.

Let me give you an oversight as to what typically happens when a urine sample is taken.  My experienced is based on litigating urine samples in state criminal court, but I believe the protocol for federal criminal matters is similar, if not identical (which is what the federal judge is going to be knowledgeable about).

The "examiner" should first take an unopened package to the meeting with the person giving the sample ("the "examinee").  The package will typically contain a cup or container, a mailing label and box, and paperwork.  Some kits contain two cups (an A Sample and a B Sample).  The package should remain sealed until the examiner and examinee are both present.  The package is opened and the paperwork is filled out.  The examinee should be asked about prescription drugs and illegal drugs they have taken.  This information goes on the paperwork. This way the lab is aware of what may pop up on the test.  

The examiner then gives the cup(s) to the examinee, who urinates in the cup in the examiner's presence.  This prevents the examinee from using someone else's urine or diluting the sample. (Yes, this does happen!)

The cup is then sealed, put into the mailing box, and the box is sealed.  The examinee watches this process so that the examiner cannot put something in the sample, and so the sample is not deliberately or accidently switched. (Think about how many plots would be ruined with this simple rule).

The seals on the box are eventually opened at the lab.  Depending on the size of the cup or sample, it may be completely used.  The remaining sample is kept by the lab for a few days (usually 60 or 90) before it is destroyed.  If there is a positive test, the second sample can be tested by the same lab to confirm the test, or it is preserved for the examinee to have tested at another lab.  Often, the examining agency requests that the sample be sent to another lab to confirm.

Mayfield's complaints are that (1) the cup was open when he got it (2) he didn't see the cup sealed, (3) the lab destroyed or used the sample so he couldn't have it independently tested.  I'd guess that he was probably not watched taking the sample either, but that is just a guess.

So why would a federal judge have concerns about the test?  It doesn't comply in any way with the standard procedure.  The procedure is designed to prevent both the examiner and the examinee from tampering with the test.  The way Mayfield describes it, none of the precautions were followed, and thus, the sample could very easily be contaminated.

I think the Court must have believed that the standard procedure wasn't followed, or he would have likely upheld the injunction against Mayfield's ability to drive in a Nascar event.

Obviously, the Court has not decided who will win the lawsuits, but I think this slap on Nascar's hand may be a hint of what is to come.

If I were Nascar, I'd be revising how these tests were given and I'd promulgate a list of banned substances to the competitors.  Why Nascar cannot state that it is a violation to have an illegal substance in your system is beyond me, and I'd guess there are other substances they may want to ban too.  A quick look at the NFL, MLB, NBA drug policies would go a long way.

What happened to the Young Guns?

Take a quick look at the top four in Nascar Sprint Cup Standings:

1.  Tony Stewart

2.  Jeff Gordon

3.  Jimmie Johnson

4.  Kurt Busch

What do they all have in common?  

They are former Champions.

They all are in their 30's.

They have all been in the series for several years.

So where is all the young talent?  The rookie class is not fairing well.  Joey Logano is back in 21st place, while Scott Speed is stuck in 35th and Max Papis is in 42nd.  And in fact, I would not call either Speed or Papis a young gun - both have racing success in other series before jumping to Nascar.

Kyle Busch is relatively young, but his tenure in Cup has been so long it doesn't feel right calling him a young gun.  Kasey Kahne has been around several years as has Denny Hamlin, Carl Edwards, and Brian Vickers.  Brad Kesolowski may be the one bright spot on the horizon, but where is a seat for him to take over?

So where are all the up and comers who are supposed to be the next hot thing?  Is the Buschwacking phenomenon finally showing the Nascar nearsightedness?  Or are the old hats just hanging on better to their rides?

Sonoma! Or Why I still love road courses.

I ventured out of Iowa last week to attend the Nascar Sprint Cup race at Infineon Raceway.  I've always liked road courses, mainly because it looks like it would be (a) a lot of work to drive and (b) more fun than driving in circles for hours.

Attending the race there confirmed for me that Nascar needs to keep both road course races and add one to the Chase.  First, TV does not do justice to the steep inclines and sharp corners on the track.  And the TV coverage does not get all the action going on all over the track.

The facility itself is great, as I would expect from SMI, but the seating in the Start/Finish Grandstand was intriguing.  The chairs were hard plastic (like patio furniture), but had a fold down individual seat.  I love it!  I didn't feel like I was sitting on the people next to me and had room to stretch my legs. 

The seating in the other turns is concrete block with a terraced walkway built into the side of a hill.  You'd definitely want a soft cushion if you intended to sit there for the whole race!

I was amazed how well I could see portions of the track, although not all turns were visible from where I was seated.  I doubt all turns are visible from anywhere you could be seated.  But if I go again (more a question of time and money than desire), I'd probably sit in Turn 7.  Turn 7 features the sharp right hand turn down into the esses and was where most of the punting action occurred on Sunday.

Getting in and out was very easy.  I did hang around after the race to talk to friends and to participate the the track walk.  I still left the track for my car within 60-90 minutes of the checkered flag.  My car wasn't parked too far away, and the trams and other transportation were still running when I left.  However, I basically got into my car and drove out of the parking lot!  I've only done that before after a Nascar race at Darlington - Indy doesn't count since I don't park in the lots.  I know several other people who got stuck in the other lots or on the highway, but my experience was great as far as the parking went.

Overall, I'd highly recommend a trip to a road course.  You'll have a lot of fun, learn a few things, and be one of the few fans who gets to a Nascar race at a road course.